Most businesses talk a big game… with very small fonts.

They claim they offer the best, the first, the most, the biggest, the newest, the cheapest, the easiest, fastest, simplest this and that-and yet do it so quietly and inconspicuously, it’s almost apologetic.

In our oversaturated, jaded, disbelieving, cynical, recessionary economy and marketplace-most business behave like the annoying little children of a lost generation, who were admonished to be seen and not heard.

And yet, they’re not being seen, either.

Because they’re too scared to make an impression, afraid to attract attention, fearful of creating a buzz, petrified of taking a bold and brazen path to success.

Question: How often do marketers want to boost conversions, increase sales and improve their image?

Answer: All the time!

Problem: Most small and large companies-companies that hire image and branding ad agencies-companies that are do-it-yourselfers-sooner or later recognize that their marketing-and the copy on their website and in their direct mail promotions, is lame, uninspiring and a waste of money-like cold, runny gruel served by a state orphanage in a Charles Dickens novel.

So, as their time and money is about to run out… they finally realize what they must do:

o They must attract, and interest their readers-as opposed to lull them to sleep.

o They must create demand among their customers-as opposed to repel them.

o They must drive their customers to action: to inquire, subscribe or buy-as opposed to forcing them to click away, delete or file.

So they’re willing to spend a little money (sometimes a lot of money) to hire a results-oriented marketing team-or a direct response copywriter-to finally get the money flowing…

Well, almost…

Booo!!!

Ahhh! Mommy, I’m scared!

A few words of advice: If you hire, let’s say, a copywriter, and pay him or her thousands of dollars to write, let’s say a micro-site, landing page, or a direct mail package 4-8 pages long, or longer…

…And weeks or months later, he or she hands you sales copy that glitters and shines like the best of Halbert, Carlton, Makepeace, Schwartz and others combined… why would you second guess their ability to bring you fresh eyeballs and gobs of money?

Case in point: A marketer once contracted with me to write a landing page. He complained that his landing page, which he wrote, received hundreds of hits a day-but only converted one or two visitors a week!

So, I wrote and delivered a brand-spanking new, hard-hitting landing page. And I provided three headline panels for him to test-to unequivocally determine which will draw the highest response.

But did he test any of them? No, of course not!

Instead, he decided, after much consideration and consternation, to write the headline himself, again.

He explained that the three headlines I wrote were really, really good, but… he was “afraid” that they were, “uh, well… too aggressive”, and he was, “uh, well… afraid that they might turn-off” his prospective clients.

Now, did I presume to tell him that his preferences, prejudices, and fears may not be shared by his target market? Sure I did!

And did I tell him that his prospective clients were already turned off by the drivel he wrote previously-and will continue to be turned off by his new and updated drivel? You bet I did not-I’m not that cruel and heartless!

But did I grill him about the demographics, psychographics, the needs, wants, beliefs, and the language his market uses? You betcha! And I did it all before I wrote a word of copy.

So did the client finally agree to test my headlines, as I reasonably urged him to? No, of course not. He held firm, stood by his beliefs. Good for him!

And now, months later, his landing page-his business-is nowhere to be found on the web. Ya’ think he folded-up shop? Ya’ think!

Frankly, this scenario, has repeated itself all too frequently, in both my and other copywriters professional lifetime.

Now… let me ask you this…

Does your business suffer from penis envy?

A few words of advice: If you think you’re small… you’re small. And if you think you’re big…you’re big.

And if you’re small, and want to be bigger… don’t obsess over what nobody is even thinking about-or looking at.

Case in point: A marketer, a one-person operation, contracted with me to write an online sales letter-“…oh, you know, like those long scrolling sales letters those info-marketers use,” he tells me.

No problem. Project is completed on time, test panels are provided.

But, he decides he doesn’t need to test. He just goes ahead and picks the headline and deck that he “knows” will be the best performer. Fine, whatever.

And then he does something else (I discover, after the fact)… something really strange. He deletes the salutation at the beginning of the letter, and the signature and P.S. at the end-plus, all mention of his name and credentials.

Why? Because he’s “afraid” that visitors will think he’s a one-person operation, and he wants to present himself as a big multi-employee company.

Do I explain that people like to read letters, online or otherwise, from other people and not big, faceless companies… and that his service in particular needs to bond on a one-to-one, personal level with the readers?

Do I also tell him that even, oh, you know, those big, successful info-marketers (with tens if not hundreds of employees) start their online letters with “Dear someone or other” and then sign their letters, and add a PS or two, or three? Of course, I do! Does he listen? Does he care? Noooo, of course not!

And off into the dark, faceless and nameless gloom he sailed.

And frankly, this scenario too, has repeated itself all too frequently, in both my and other copywriter’s professional lifetime.

Being obnoxious can be wonderful for your bottom line

A few words of advice: Marketing and sales is not about good manners, proper etiquette, good form or a proper up-bringing-that is, not in the Emily Post sense of the world. Because marketing and sales, online and off is a world apart. It has its own rules, its own manners, etiquette and good form.

And rockin’ the boat is quiet often the best thing a marketer can do.

So if burpin’ at the table and pickin’ boogers increases sales-then hell’s bells, boys and girls-burp and pick! Or at least give it a shot, and test…

Case in point: An established marketer of computer software asked if I could write a landing page for one of their products. As in the previous example, their current page was getting a fair amount of hits, but it wasn’t converting.

And it was easy to see why. The sales copy read like an instruction manual, and the design and layout of the web page was as smelly and un-appetizing as two-week old road-kill.

So I said, sure, I can write the copy for you…and would you like me to recommend a web designer?

“If you think it’ll help,” the marketing director said. And so I did.

Now, I know of quite a few direct response web designers with serious notches on their belt. They design for the biggest and most expensive direct response copywriters and the most successful internet marketers out there today. So if can get them to work with me, provided the client can afford them-it’s a no-brainer.

So I drew up a short list of designers and gave the marketing director the URL’s of some of their work-work they did for some of those aforementioned copywriters and internet marketers. And of course, I fully expected her to be overwhelmed by the magic they produced.

theicct
pizzahut
foxmovies
bjfu
resengo
xfplay
m
openarchives
nrpa
sjwj
viagrawithoutdoctorspres
rawsterne
dreets
uakron
lib
ifpi
biotaxa
linkd
cgtrader
webtrekk
lvmh
fpf
tiki
hsbc
prsformusic
olymptrade
kmbbb39
administracionelectronica
ucc
dacast
uni-weimar
php-fusion
islonline
jus
martech
12ej
wjw
shopstyle
fafsa
ga
snov
distrowatch
achdebit
billetto
smartertravel
nippon
qqdg
profeco
kmbbb44
baltimorecity
thepennyhoarder
swimming
hypeddit
videolightbox
espressif
fipe
sweor
marylandtaxes
ipu
webmasterworld
resmio
infocert
fedramp
thrivent
isoc
responsiblegambling
indapass
zuiaibt
advertisingweek
yfrog
vu
dinersclub
abuseipdb
tokyo-gas
ticketmaster
edje
audible
pacer
brandexponents
x-rates
gonoodle
ut
talktofrank
gbcinternetenforcement
www
writemyessaytoday
tagtoday
splitshire
free-website-translation
gonitro
netreviews
mynet
artlebedev
commentcamarche
t2120
uni
mobilemarketingmagazine
americamagazine
difi
ipc
worksafe
enetedu
univ-nantes
msc
threebit
medoucine
ros
greenweddingshoes
aacd
firestorage
rfa
fedorahosted
businesslive
worldgbc
pcadvisor
leroymerlin
bbbs
nowtoronto
plant-for-the-planet
ralphlauren
flexport
pixta
backblazeb2
forbes
worldmarket
lmu
passatempi
1000grad-epaper
stars
param
dkms
uni5
hartstichting
rocket
tripadvisor
puc-rio
erasmusmc
malala
ctt
t-systems
skroutz
sciencefriday
96themes
schule
eveeno
safesigned
92game
brcgs
ilmatieteenlaitos
netflixparty
archiveofourown
wasi
kvue
standards
spreadshirt
nameshield
bnovo
shop-script
acceleragent
bwin
contate
allmylinks
superhosting
unimib
naturskyddsforeningen
reanod
kissmetrics
html5boilerplate
tu
erau
yamato-credit-finance
484850
onlinebooq
commercialobserver
staticlbi
jieqi
cryptokitties
matchesfashion
veteranownedbusiness
semantic-ui
c2es
tpsgc-pwgsc
benefitspro
weatherzone
2piratebay
hautetfort
portaldoempreendedor
kashikaigishitsu
teleparty
navteq
earthhour
emailoctopus
9966008
3pointdata
just-eat
iuniverse
ycharts
doisongphapluat
uniandes
comuni-italiani
em
victoria
showroom-live
cnam
secure-decoration
android-developers
at
ncku
cgn8j9f4j3g
fastclick
singtel
freieheilpraktiker
wilo
visitnorway
3in1
turn2us
rmlt
localgiving
rainbird
ie
submarino
jobadder
scannet
mha
riot
hjdc258
endpolio
definitions-marketing
webhostingsecretrevealed
challonge
zycg
acrc
gunbroker
foehlisch
mcdonalds
appledaily
sxgov
ankiweb
transparency
kmaa97
ypcdn
advertisingconsent
outerboxdesign
75679k
houseparty
wku
yangtse
idfpr
magicseaweed
fox5ny
ecns
eventbrite
cebit
globalpayments
bizwebvietnam
madametussauds
wellesley
kmbbb40
cults3d
g2a
thebump
krita
manilatimes
103
seventhqueen
matkahuolto
abramsbooks
hasoffers
longcai
sf
wes
perezhilton
s3-sa-east-1
guestplan
stihi
uie
thedodo
pipni
epfindia
franceconnect
mineducacion
5280
damndelicious
siia
delonghi
dmkz2i5qfmsty
smaato
seeedstudio
sesameworkshop
newworldencyclopedia
agof
fox59
giallozafferano
e2rm
mappresspro
lionsgate
xgambet
blaetterkatalog
nc-net
usaepay
tourmkr
knack
cybozu
austinkleon
bancomundial
raywenderlich
digitalpoint
s1895
hotjarconsent
pib
icmarkets
inyourarea
dailyhunt
sentencingproject
the-village
dreamwidth
malaysiaairlines
vrijdagonline
graphene-theme
acemlna
lzk-bw
php-factory
tourism
regione
xerces
cbronline
faire
domain
fnal
gdd
shoptimized
xsplit
doktortakvimi
actu-environnement
businessinsider
bonehealthandosteoporosis
scholarships
netcup
elcorreo
rocket
custom-roms
radissonhotelsamericas
chinacoal-safety
nccaom
myonline
activesearchresults
zankyou
postnord
wjgnet
clovergive
hofstra
mysurgerywebsite
maserati
profitroom
thriftbooks
hyvesgames
videoshub
samuraiclick
bibleproject
shangzhixin
zhuhai
orthodoxwiki
webmproject
autoweek
signify
thelocal
scitechdaily
bloomberg
time-to-change
mainpost
6785487
ser
igj
turkcell
nnov
sinatrarb
resellerclub
vvs
brother-usa
nbcconnecticut
nsta
plimo
internetworld
boun
endhomelessness
videvo
asiakastieto
timetopet
mariecurie
uxmatters
edenproject
salonbook
worldtimeserver
fanpage
privacyalliance
caterpillar
over-blog
max-spacesolutions
houzz
wpmucdn
tradingstandards
vumc
bookan
opec
9tt87
ihwrm
gust
jvz1
unlp
endnote
icc-cricket
kmisln
91job
morgenweb
classcentral
esmo
econlib
bps
crayola
billiger
ynetnews
fhowg
dodlive
zennoh
qksrv
22yabo
perthnow
xici
ngv
mustache
pcicomplianceguide
okwave
dealeron
hunting6
campaignzero
rim
utep
climate-kic
kingspan
vhall
websiterating
ipso
uni
townwork
canalys
undrr
customer
echo
yellowinteractive
sweden
americanaddictioncenters
gkzhan
bpifrance-creation
liquor
datingadvice
disneytravelcenter
ademails
pabbly
imgz
funnelcockpit
salvationarmy
wgu
hhmi
thegrocer
jiwu
ada
caa
bet365affiliates
molsoncoors
powerchina
knt
fas
hg123366
tokyo-park
benefitnews
zahnaerzte-wl
battleforthenet
icpa4kids
uol
abendzeitung-muenchen
dbl-ev
crello
sagepay
behdasht
amarr
dai-ichi-life
jclark
jio
dona
htmlpreview
istoe
safewise
world-weather
dovecot
dswxyjy
nbcboston
lswz
international-chamber
storyblocks
sanwen
top500
dns
osclass
page4
airship
johas
murdoch
ifpri
expert
life
anpsthemes
jonahdigital
folly
digialm
tinybuddha
kuvat
microsoftstream
forever21
radiovaticana
coop
chicagofed
smooch
ncregister
charlotte
dshe
cbproads
flightglobal
ird
podcast
ticketco
7033162
earthcam
novayagazeta
51pla
savviihq
fmovies2
yandex
book
ahzsks
auctionplugin
northnews
toprankblog
networkcomputing
quickgifts
maxlaw
spillemyndigheden
addictioncenter
liangzhongmiye
nbb
confetti-web
jpnsport
slovensko
epochconverter
flrules
jakearchibald
schnelle-online
leidisarorum
moet
nh-hotels
firstcom
websitemagazine
naceweb
firebase
pod
ehu
jsda
chromeenterprise
yxdown
lecho
congre
keikotomanabu
papatv18
smallbusiness
tixr
levante-emv
bz-berlin
nyp
surlatable
tzdjk
jacobs
everytown
tvbs
dnp
draeger
challenge25
planoly
stackla
canalrivertrust
forskning
uni-bamberg
jonasclub
actibookone
tasso
shopping
buywithconfidence
politicadecookies
viewsonic
davines
iotheme
lvz
livepartners
uaprom
wits
frontier
evangelisch
key
kzbv
nutrition
heraldcorp
michaelhyatt
limelight
moit
opensignal
gemius
pavothemes
broadcastingcable
ibis
fnp
kma
gszwfw
wbaltv
kmbb97
abstractsonline
fq6011
sammobile
mountvernon
dtn
slickdeals
premium
govmu
obiz
colorhunt
suite101
cancilleria
crossuite
malmo
freenetlaw
cnhc
siteturner
singular
horses5
fishing6
progress-tm
bizreport
mon
xip
dotdash
krqe
kmaa90
pagecloud
classdojo
dogs5
cats5
guide6
travel6
agriculture6
expediagroup
superdrug
gwfli
pinkbike
rallyup
maariv
csas
pando
elasticpath
protemplateslab
nation
michelinman
bigfishgames
n9
misbahwp
sport
tt
rcseng
principal
opencart
job1001
ajol
mialias
phoenix
musc
procore
bdew
nwo
micron
fsfe
cvs
dle-news
toocle
gmo-pg
dodge
wegmans
tinywebgallery
acfun
fruitthemes
buchhandlung
swedbank
gitorious
kzvb
camsloveaholics
mytuner-radio
victoriousseo
spoonuniversity
aarambhathemes
kbs-frb
110
opentable
xinhua
eagri
peta
ducks
forestapp
licdn
244063
delhi
bluetoad
inpi
uphe
teachthought
supportduweb
quiz-maker
chinagrain
osteopathy
zidithemes
foodsafetynews
allyou
amazon
nemid
lata
gdal
radboudumc
sched
digital-atelier
procon
woovina
xing-share
policie
sourcetreeapp
socialmention
gtb
burgerthemes
quemalabs
camsoda
axelos
sfdcstatic
ohloh
golocal
arvixe
b3
duxiu
policia
abplive
mensline
henkel
thenationaltriallawyers
sitecontabil
zhengzhou
linebiz
dtg
atwiki
80767ss
cwgc
nenu
vub
zscaler
kwf
bnbchain
princess
kitabisa
kreiszeitung
argusmedia
pixelwars
da2d2y78v2iva
sportsbusinessjournal
news-press
shopmaker
heapanalytics
cj804d
pr-clanek
giveusashout
rgj
ttnews
influitive
snapppt
files
gov
cineca
paysera
thetahealing
paa
zenoti
indiatvnews
visitnsw
tiqets
kathimerini
neto
xmind
benevity
dotdigital
kknews
al-monitor
foxla
sina
buchmesse
zenbox
swu
selenic
mgd5
artsteps
ezfacility
infobox
114my
ages
bvv
onuniverse
strokeassociation
helpjuice
zei8
webstaurantstore
mit-license
1prime
globalsecurity
rayli
base64encode
enginetemplates
framasoft
weblate
codewars
kuow
bounteous
snappages
c2ti
floridatoday
brandrep
omron
jax
zety
courrierinternational
themeol
elisa
jucha
thefind
id
kmbbb15
vikpe
nbn-resolving
ntnu
pewglobal
mumbrella
gnuwin32
mines
south32
khan
soundbetter
torontolife
unomaha
sirv
freestart
postplanner
minacookies
epanshi
hardrock
convertpro
extremenetworks
giv
cet
cpd
illinoisstate
portfoliobox
mdja
nasonline
apek
99u
weworkremotely
google
wpgmaps
ikoula
jakarta
joomla51
team-6
nationalgeographic
yoox
24ways
orix
chregister
frumph
pokupay
campuslabs
myherbalife
sre
colabr
bakermckenzie
fieldmuseum
visitgreece
blocklist
campaigner
prod-socollect
pesan
shortyawards
lithium
bluemic
hi
carpet-rug
nissay
avax
clinicsense
aebn
climateactiontracker
veterans
r-lib
lessons
alaraby
dexknows
data-axle
hipwee
bathandbodyworks
egensajt
b2evolution
ciodive
copyhackers
supremocontrol
pc
amegroups
amazingcounter
customs
thequint
fernuni-hagen
serverless
ahip
jra
totaljobs
hostingpalvelu
sonpo
scholarships
htw-berlin
quickbase
80767yy
bookmyname
defenseone
guykawasaki
kmbbb19
verra
yourkwoffice
6cc04
cmpassport
businesspromotion
wildapricot
francophonie
wosp
securite-sociale
bestinsingapore
megaupload
auctionzip
voices
foxsports
linkshop
sympatico
customer-alliance
changjiexiang
itworldcanada
ymca
mobil
popmatters
haber7
london2012
dgi
bebo
easypromosapp
badoo
casumo
zjzs
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sporttisaitti
germany
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hetrixtools
meetedgar
firespring
cy-pr
aston
clarionledger
apayun
francetv
webmasterhome
eliteessaywriters
pkware
ift
electoralcommission
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lingualibre
ldyjz
privacyinternational
pr-clanky
oztix
66ok168
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texasbar
cnmc
hoopladigital
grasshopper
qizuang
odesk
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aomori
justcbdstore
loripsum
sxydcz
3playmedia
gold
tuasaude
divessi
ebri
nls
netmums
aerialgroup
secutix
donuts
statigr
kink
vibe
overleaf
birmingham
nanning
pref
9977008
floridadisaster
entnet
americanhumane
mettrr
usm
wpcharms
inmoment
lifterlms
czisland
mkm
termsconditionsgenerator
my
swissmadesoftware
ebica
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themecircle
eksisozluk
keirin
jagoanhosting
aicr
shinkin
javascript
ntlworld
fcrmedia
bursamalaysia
dlyetian
simplymeasured
hlf
asid
vendhq
jpeds
lancasteronline
mercure
esante
baselland
istanbulescortkiz
upmsp
detheme
aeat
naag
rncan
asciinema
visualpharm
67852
cricket
cscs
voxmedia
associations
cjlogistics
coinatmradar
briggsandstratton
mybluehost
elavon
psycom
oireachtas
toolbar
riotinto
themetim
red-gate
a11yproject
elperuano
ey
izvestia
bricklink
mfat
playbuzz
kartverket
greenpeace
broadridge
counsellor
edc
news5cleveland
nies
top
tlc
ktn
democrats
ipython
ispconfig
goodwood
c2ccertified
analytics
gototraining
hotelmix
quran
talksport
panasonic
atw
null24h
cerner
vancheer
musicbusinessworldwide
1xbet
metropolismag
abf
glassdoor
nad
ufa356s
faithasamustardseed
dr
tintup
coveredca
linkslot
adventhealth
7-11
facebook
tokyu-hands
mediaite
emerion
coub
webasyst
mfa
gsis
alpinelinux
datos
theprs
76589256
layui
bachhoaxanh
beyondmeat
euplf
webhook
gzwhir
belgique
ifremer
bdysite
adcell
gismeteo
kopage
minjust
chemistryworld
outdoorsy
spectrum
nga
csswizardry
yellow
trainingmag
planeetta
jsdsgsxt
amtamembers
hubeidaily
sch
world-nuclear
melonbooks
53
pixahive
investorplace
penguinrandomhouse
delfi
stubhub
boeckler
vpnmentor
hosting24
agi
eaadhardownloadonline
waymo
bilgikurumsal
tottenhamhotspur
lifehacker
engineering
lainformacion
hy755
cvv
t-cat
hebeea
sj
codementor
xoops
immobilier
123minsida
dnb
ehi-siegel
citysport-sh
cyberark
sports
kb
joc
p-advg
onpay
premiumtimesng
morrisons
eigakan
tripit
aheadworks
police
istanbulescorthelen
malaysian-
boip
wonderhowto
ymparisto
cyol
businessfrance
oph
serialssolutions
ttb
qu
rhizome
verivox
aam-us
clarle
cabq
theoutline
prowly
mysch
one
fdp
payloadz
whathifi
briantracy
codeschool
productboard
themesinfo
usi
addurl
bulletproof
wdrmaus
rhul
yjc
ironsrc
regexr
pentagram
china-railway
ziplocal
sharpschool
sequoiacap
myrealestateplatform
euskadi
worldpressphoto
netsolstores
brighton
atmosfair
fragfinn
edb
kuyiso
living-future
raymondjames
ahima
man
konbini
ntt
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